But I'm really really sad right now. And over a pretty lame reason as well.

But as I'm sure all of you know already, my sweetheart lives in a seperate city from me. With no car or license for either of us, it's really hard for us to see each other. All we really have to keep connected is just our phones. Well, here's why I'm crying so much right now. His family's house phone's been off for like a week now. Ok. No big deal. This usually means that I just can't talk to his mom to say hi like I want to. But now, his cell phone's going to be shut off tomorrow cause they can't pay the bill. Now this means I'm really going to be cut off from him. They don't know when they'll be able to pay that bill again so they can get their phones turned back.

So now I'm sitting here, holding my pillow close to me, and can't stop crying cause I won't be able to talk to my baby for I don't even know how long this time. I really, really, really, desperately would love to see him maybe tomorrow, or even the day after. But all my evenings this week are booked. And I can't see him on weekends cause the bus I usually take to get there only runs on week days.

I was thinking desperately a few minutes ago that I could beg my dad to drive me down there just to see my Chris. But when he heard in my voice how I sounded [cause he can't see me without his glasses and it's dark in here], he couldn't really tell there was something wrong. And when he asked me what was up, I just decided not to bother. He won't take me. He hates my Chris. If I had my license, I'd just ask to borrow the car for a few hours. But I'm so stuck and can't stop bawling. I'm lucky I'm a quiet cryer or else the whole house would be awake right now.

. . . I'm just so sad right now. You guys have no idea. I don't even understand why I'm so worked up in the first place. Guess it's cause he told me that the worst-case scenario is that it would take until next month to get the phones back on. That really got to me I guess. So now I just want to see my Chris. I don't care about going to the temp-agency tomorrow. Or rehearsal at the theatre for the next show I'm lighting up. I just wanna see Chris! . . . . I'm sorry for this journal, guys. I'm just really upset right now and don't know what to do.